scene: the swimming pool

time: this time last week

cast: me, darren, the bloke who thinks he’s swimming the channel, a couple of old ladies who swim even slower than i do (just about possible).

scene: the swimming pool

time: same time this week

cast: me, darren, the bloke who thinks he’s swimming the channel, 1001 people who think they are part of the british olympic team and are especially keen on swimming back stroke without ever thinking to look where they are going.

that said, i would like a zoomy out graphic with the union flag and ‘darbyshire’ flashing up before me everytime i push off the side of the pool. darren says i just need to swim faster and it’ll happen.